Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Summer doesn't matter to me

Once a little while ago I smelled some really lovely Spring air and I was somewhat pleased for a few moments. Now, almost every day I remain sad and sluggish and a little bit ill and I don't really care about the weather or the season or anything that could be construed as happy or hopeful. I just don't have either.

Last night I dreamed about an exboyfriend. We were in a strange hotel room, I'm not sure why. For a little while, we made conversation about this and that and other niceties but it felt strained and of course it would, we haven't talked/chatted or anything for about two years. Finally in the dream he admitted that his current lover was hideous to him and this situation wasn't getting any better. At this point it became obvious to us both that we couldn't keep our hands to home and the kisses started with a torrent. The dream ended before the situation got much more heated. I don't know if I like the dream or not..I wasn't all hot and bothered in a good way when I woke up and although it felt good to be desired (in dream life), it was abruptly unreal.

I just heard a poem on the radio about the lovely of Summer and I really don't care. I am filled with anxiety and sadness constantly. I cannot stir from this mindset.

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