i love a donut

i'm not married. never have been.
the man i work with (we share a 6 ft X 10 ft office, our desks perpendicular to each other, my back is to him but i hear every whistle, every mutter) is almost 70 years old. he has been married for some 40 years, maybe even 45 years. i am amazed by that. i guess it gives me hope but not really because i am a different generation. in fact, i am my own generation. i share my generation with no other human. the baby boomer generation ended, i was born and then the X generation began a minute later, leaving me quite alone, my own generation. That's why i cannot find a mate...everyone is in a different generation and my potential lifemates start out thinking, "huh, she's pretty interesting...and a freak in the sack to boot...whoa, these cookies are amazing! She's so great." but then our generations rear their incapatible heads and i lose.

well, this man found someone in his generation who loves and puts up with him and he is a lucky man. I just overheard him on the phone say to someone who he is supposed to meet tomorrow morning: "I'll try to get there by 10 but sometimes my wife doesn't let me leave the house.......it's not what you think. When I am about to leave she gives me a honey, do list."

i wish i had someone who i could trade honeydew lists with.

ya ever wonder?

IF YOU WILL EVER be happy again?
i do.
where is that asteroid?
come back.

another dream

last sunday i finished my zine, #10, and i was pretty psyched. on monday some friends came over who needed help with the poster for the harvest supper here in g'field so we did that and then they left. They also left behind the remains of a 6 pack of very nice beer, the kind of microbrew ale i go apeshit over. i drank four beers monday night while writing notes to people and addressing the zine envelopes. i wonder what my notes read. anyway, tuesday morning i got up and stumbled down my attic bedroom stairs and landed on my right little toe, fucking it up pretty good and so i have been staggering/limping all week. good times.
did you get my zine yet? what did my note say? did it profess undying love for you? sorry about that. i do remember writing a beer-ridden email to my friend Chris telling him his nerdy-html talk was a turn on. i'm not really that sorry about that.
i think the zine turned out wicked great. it comes with free stickers!
this morning i woke up from another dream about Mr. x1 1/2. it was another very pleasant, very friendly sweet dream but i wish i remembered more of it so i can relive it over and over.

the very best from scratch

who has the best homemade rubberband ball you've ever seen? yes, ME.
i started this with the very first rubberband. i don't go in for those
ready-made rubberband balls. and this sucker can bounce!

ssshhhh.

ok, so there is this guy, mr. x1 1/2 who i have loved secretly for many years. you know this. so, yesterday i went swimming with a friend and then came home to work on my zine and have a vodka tonic, it was all very nice. so, about fifteen minutes after the drink i rise from the computer and float downstairs to the tv room where it is more shady and cool and my dog is there and i just sort of decide to nap.

so i lay down and quickly fall asleep in the lovely july five oclock air with Pickles hanging out nearby which was nice for companionship but just far enough away not to heat me up with his dog radiation. i wake up drooling pretty good two hours later after having the nicest dream about mr. x1 1/2. He and I were hanging out and using a digital camera together which in reality i really need a new one so that is why that was a prominent key in the dream. He and I were laughing and smiling and really connecting in the dream in the most lovely way. i had a great time. i wish i could live in that dream forever.