Saturday, February 16, 2008

How Long That I Have Waited..

I listen to songs by Burt Bacharach and even though I know that love in life comes and goes, I still feel triumphant, like the kid I was back at Lake Ontario when I would jump off the rowboat with my brother and a friend or two in water a couple feet over my head and search the surrounding sandy bottom for whatever treasure we decided to throw into the water that day, coming to the surface with the thing I had found, showing it off proudly.
The simple childhood game would have us throwing the thing in, sometimes watching it descend into the water, sometimes throwing it over our shoulders and not looking. Then we would all dive in, off the boat, and swim swim swim to the bottom and by feeling around or opening our eyes we would search for the thing. One favorite item to seek was the metal ladder we would use to climb up into the boat with from the water. It would fill up with water (it was hollow) and sink down. The first time we had to go after it, it was a mistake. Someone had dropped it and, horrified, we watched it sink deeper and deeper. We jumped in after it and after a hurried search, I felt the thing under my hands and I dragged it up to the surface, eagerly reattaching it to the boat. After that first mistake we used it as our prey often. It was big and easy to find but not too easy as it was light enough to drift about. I have always been a finder. When people lose something around me I am always up for a search. I love to be the one who discovers the missing.

My brother is visiting from Alaska this month and we haven't really hung out in a long time the way we are hanging out now. It's a little bit hard getting used to being with him. I see him do things that worry me and I can't help but feel uptight about it and I'm not going to shut up about my feelings, I trust he wouldn't want me to, but I do understand that my delivery may be a little bit..harried or annoyed/annoying.

One thing which is nice is that he and I have both found love. Right now we are both embroiled in love relationships which aren't more than two months old and I like that we both have the excitement. He is hanging out with me and DbR and it's obvious he can see the love and enjoyment. I can tell he would like to share his love with me because he says things like, "You would really like Blueberry." and "I hope you and Blueberry get to meet, you would like her." He and I compared our lonely years without companions and we are pretty much on the same trajectory, which is interesting.

Hard won, this love and happiness. Sought and found, after many lonely moon cycles. We come to the surface of the lonely lake with our hands full of our love, eager to show off our prizes.

It's nice to hear the Bacharach and feel the sweet, not so much the bitter.

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